The Ship With No Captin

“I don’t know why you keep choosing me, I don’t know why”

I woke up this morning and was cursing my fate, sometimes I just feel like I have too much on my plate.

Life is just hard, sometimes it drags, but I didn’t feel that way when Tyshawn got stabbed.

Why wasn’t it me? Why wasn’t it me? Why is it all this weight on my shoulders and the real “struggle” skips me?

I was packing my bags, I’ll admit even dragging my feet. Playing the Sun’s Tirade helped keep my eyes above my defeat.

I just don’t have enough time, there’s always more to do. I just feel like I never have enough me cause I always give it to you.

Class, oh class, where would I be without thou? Shakespeare saved me, but it won’t save Greaze now.

He was shot right on his lawn, he was probably checking his mail, and all I can think about is the way that I feel.

Why wasn’t it me? Why wasn’t it me? Why do I feel like I’m being suffocated and yet I just play back these memories?

I think I need a line up, the man in the mirror looks rough. I got an A last test, but that wasn’t enough.

The semester is almost done, I gotta stay strong. I’m one B- away from it all going wrong.

I just finished flossing, now the listerine is leaving a bitter taste in my mouth, what do I even have to be sad about? Safwaan was the one that didn’t make it out.

See we had just graduated, he might’ve been better than me. All the talent in the world, and it just couldn’t be.

Maybe we could’ve related, I didn’t know him that well. I just know I heard the bad news about the car crash and had to make sure I wasn’t in hell.

We let the balloons fly, everybody said words, and I’m still fighting to find self worth.

Why wasn’t it me? Why wasn’t it me? Why do I have everything that should make me happy around me, and I just won’t be.

I just checked my phone, she didn’t hit me back. I guess she was busy, life is funny like that.

As soon as she responds I’ll figure out if I still want to make time for her. I guess in because of phones we get to pick and choose how much of us and somebody else should really concur.

I just work through the headache, it’s not that deep. And oddly enough my Stats class is learning about relationships and how we sleep.

I’ve been having waking terrors and sleepless nights, I think I’m goin’ crazy. Maybe it’s just because of the age I’m at, but mommas baby isn’t a baby.

Even things under the same umbrella don’t get the same rain. And as I read through this article I see some of their pain.

See I’m just a good kid in a sad city. It seems like everybody is trying to work through it. Life isn’t a Nike commercial, I can’t just do it.

I want to give back because I want to be the person I needed, and yet I still need something. Maybe I’m being conceited.

I’m trying to steer my ship and direct others at the same time. I’m more human than anybody, but that doesn’t explain all these rhymes.

I was lost at sea trying to get back on course so that I could see the shore again, now I’m realizing another part of the journey is accepting the waves again.

– Lebert Lester III


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